Clams in the Fridge and Barking for Fun

Dear EJ & Maggie,
I think you should come home on the next plane!! I caught the Landlady using your credit card to make frivolous purchases online. She bought the most ridiculous thing- just wait until you see it. It's a long scratchy plastic board that she puts on her car and then she makes me walk on it!! It's kind of like walking the plank. I don't mind doing her stupid pet tricks when she puts crackers down- but she expects me to do it WITH NO REWARD?!? What's up with that?

I can get her back very easily by barking at nothing while I skulk around the condo. Usually I can get the muppet going too- Then she gets REALLY mad. If I keep it up too long she makes me get into my bed. JEESH! Sometimes she wants me in there and other times she wants me to get up. I wish she'd make up her mind for God's Sake. The only time I ever get any peace and quiet is early in the morning when she's gone. 

PS You didn't tell her that I really don't like those heart worm nuggets, did you?? I think she expected me to eat it without any peanut butter. But I showed HER!


PSS I over heard her say something about saving those  stinking clams you left  and putting them in you bed when you get back here in December. That will be repugnant, won't it? Are you excited?? I can't wait!!