Toys & Other Missing Possessions

Dear EJ & Maggie,
I know I haven't been blogging recently- but heck..I'm REEETIIIIERRED so gimme a break. I've been kinda busy lately- with Outerwear Fashion shows and getting ready for Halloween. I have to get my bark ready for all of those little kids, you know. So..Here is the Fashion Show- The first one was too big. But the second one fits a lot better- and I always have looked better in blue. One side is fleece and the other is raincoat- I guess she hopes I won't pull her arm out of the socket to get back home in the rain.

I REFUSE to wear this out in public.

Do you think this makes me look fat?

We've been going on some great walks in the nice weather. I have a new cushy way to ride in the car. I think I look much more distinguished when she acts as chauffeur. The wood that we visit is pleasant- Lots of great new smells!! I like to eat acorns and pine cones with my leaves and dirt while I'm out there. All the better to vomit on the living room floor when I get home.

Better style and more fitting.

The Muppet likes to lead the way.

I deserve to be treated royally.

There's been some talk about me taking things that don't belong to me...I only did it once..and I wanted to know what the big deal is. The Muppet has to carry around these silly things all the time.I just don't get it. NOW he's worried I'll take them so he thinks he has to guard them. Jeesh! I don't need his stupid toys.  I have my own GROWN UP ones.

Big WOOP, yawannafightaboutit?

So when are you two getting home again?? I'm not sure I want to go back to Texas..I'm getting used to the Northeast...Maybe we could move up here??? Just a thought...

Iloveyoubye,
Lilly

Mini Road Trip

Where the hell are we now???

Oh, NO! I think she's getting that damn slide out.

Dear Mago y Lalo,

Lilly here- Enjoying the weather change in North America. Yesterday the Land Lady took the Muppet and me on a mini road trip to the strangest place! There were lots of rocks and crunchy things underfoot. The wind was blowing and there was an unusual scent in the air...and then I saw this GIANT body of water. It reminded me of Barton Springs a little but there was much more water and it tasted awful. The "grass" which was dark green and kind of slimy tasted bad too. Of course the LL wouldn't let me eat it. I just managed to get enough to be able to puke on her Moroccan rug later.

What am I supposed to do here?? I don't get it.

I don't see anything to eat anywhere. 

Oh look! Sticks & rocks and dead animals!YUM!

If I close my eyes, maybe Lalo y Mago will be here when I open them again.

Deck Dining

Dear Lalo y Mago-
 See I'm learning Spanish..you CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

 The Land Lady has made a recent change in the accommodations. She has invited me to eat my meals on the deck. She says it's only for very special guests, but she doesn't fool me. I suspect it's because she doesn't want me helping the Muppet finish his food. He eats so damn slow...and always has to look around after every three bites. If you ask me HE'S the problem.

I'm not so sure this is special.

I must admit it's nice out there. Usually there's a cool breeze and lots of interesting neighbors to watch. One of the little ones asked to see me go down the slide. (I believe she meant the ramp I use to get up onto the deck from the lawn.) We had a slight accident and I may have to work off the damages..it seems she bought a very flimsy screen and when I tried to slide the door open my nose went in the wrong way and it may have ripped a little. Don't worry. I'll take care of it. She said she'd take it off my bill if I just stop barking at her to get my meals quicker.

Did I hear there might be a South American Llama sweater in my future?? Whew! That's good. I hear it gets cold up here in the winter!!

 Missing you lots,
Love,
Lilly

Personal Hygiene and Aliens

Dear EJ & Maggie,

Do I look dirty to you?? I got dragged off to the "Cleaners" last week! It's a place where lots of animals are, so I guess it's a pretty nice spa...as spas go. There were 3 GIANT poodles, one small one, a cat, 2 ponies, goats, a duck, and some humans there. One of the humans- a cute young lady named Amanda- brought me into a room where there was a giant tub and she gave me a bath! I hardly knew her and it was a little uncomfortable bathing in front of a stranger. I was hoping she would mention my skin tags- you know how self conscious I am about them.  The Landlady just stayed outside sipping lemonade and playing with the Muppet. I did feel better when it was over- and someone made a comment about my body not being quite as pungent...whatever that means.

Does this floor make me look fat?

I've been hearing some strange noises around here lately so I decided to investigate. I poked around a bit and discovered aliens living in the hostel! I borrowed the LL's phone to show you proof- 

Now...tell me this isn't the weirdest thing you ever saw! I think it stays in the basement some of the time.

But I've seen evidence of it in other places around the hostel too. Do you think I should call the authorities? 

Sometimes it watches me from the stairs....it's  REALLY unnerving...I could only take 4 day time naps yesterday I was so distraught!!

Do you think I should find other lodgings for awhile? 

Or am I being silly- the Muppet sure doesn't seem fazed by it at all. I've even seen him chase it!

I'm not sure an old girl can take all of this excitement. Oh well, I'll do my best to deal with it until you two get back.

DOGNAP!!

Dear EJ & Maggie,
Holy Crap! Where were you when I needed you! The Land Lady tried to DOG NAP ME!!! She forced me up that damned plank and into her car and then drove off! Of course the Muppet rides in front- but I held my dignity and pretended it was "Driving Miss Lilly" time. I didn't put up a fuss. You would have been proud of me.

Where the hell are we going??

What were you thinking when you left me with these people?

I have NO idea where I am!

There'd better be food wherever we are going.

So...the ride wasn't all that exciting. We just went down the street to visit some people with a big garden and lots of woods behind their house. Of course, the Muppet got to run free but I had to be on a leash like an idiot. At least we got to go inside and some people fussed over me- but there was NO FOOD! I cased the joint about six times and allI found was a bowl of water. To make matters WORSE she drove to some Bongi place on the way home and I was tortured for miles with the smell of fried chicken.  All I got was NUTRO & peanut butter back at the damn hostel. You'd better be having the time of your lives to have forsaken me here. All I ever get is three walks a day, two meals, and people who drool all over me making such a fuss and racket! 

Clams in the Fridge and Barking for Fun

Dear EJ & Maggie,
I think you should come home on the next plane!! I caught the Landlady using your credit card to make frivolous purchases online. She bought the most ridiculous thing- just wait until you see it. It's a long scratchy plastic board that she puts on her car and then she makes me walk on it!! It's kind of like walking the plank. I don't mind doing her stupid pet tricks when she puts crackers down- but she expects me to do it WITH NO REWARD?!? What's up with that?

I can get her back very easily by barking at nothing while I skulk around the condo. Usually I can get the muppet going too- Then she gets REALLY mad. If I keep it up too long she makes me get into my bed. JEESH! Sometimes she wants me in there and other times she wants me to get up. I wish she'd make up her mind for God's Sake. The only time I ever get any peace and quiet is early in the morning when she's gone. 

PS You didn't tell her that I really don't like those heart worm nuggets, did you?? I think she expected me to eat it without any peanut butter. But I showed HER!


PSS I over heard her say something about saving those  stinking clams you left  and putting them in you bed when you get back here in December. That will be repugnant, won't it? Are you excited?? I can't wait!!

HBDEJ

Dear E.J.
I want to wish you a Happy Birthday. I'm sad that I can't spend it with you- but I'm sure you are having fun with Maggie.  The Muppet and I will drink a toast to you!